Haddie Ann Kreider
WORTH IT ALL
First there was the long awaited joy discovering
That you were a mere fetal speck.
Months of pampered excitement
Watching my belly slowly swell
Then balloon beyond belief.
Impatient, I longed to peek inside myself
To see the secret you,
Your sex, your skin, your forming face
With x-ray eyes
In those pre-sonogram years.
Week by wondrous week
I felt you growing, strengthening,
As you poked me from within
With fidgety feet and fists.
Imagined a hundred scenarios
Of the you you were becoming.
Laid hands upon my rumbling stomach,
Penetrating pre-born you.
Then, arrived the day of
Long hours in a surrealistic haze
Climaxing in pushing, pushing, pushing you out
Of my cozy womb into my waiting arms.
Labor blurred sweetly into joy’s
Highest measure. You emerged,
Then followed years of diverse labor stages
So intense, childbirth’s memory
Paled into small inconsequential aches,
And star spangled ecstasies catapulted me
Far, far into glittery galaxies.
You’re adult now, on your own,
Still developing, discovering,
Still nudging me
Within and without.
I still long to peek
Into places I cannot,
To know you even more
Than I know you,
And who knows you more?
That’s how it is for mothers.
That’s how it’s always been.
Umbilicals are only severed
In the physical sense.